I Heard It Through the Grapevine…

advice

At this moment I am dealing with some personal stress and the level is pretty fucking high. Actually, it was super-saiyan high a bit ago but at this point I’m channeling all of my strength and energy to the teachings of someone who I consider to be my more fabulous Oprah; Miss RuPaul.

RUPAUL

About an hour ago, I received a phone call from someone I’d never spoken to or met and the first words out of her mouth were something along the lines of: My name is _____. I hope this conversation works out well for the both of us and that it doesn’t go badly.

Forget bricks. I shat entire apartment buildings.

She proceeded to tell me she’d heard a rumor about my life (an outlandishly outlandish rumor that would have made me laugh had I not been so upset when she told me people are talking about me) and that I was the one telling this information to people. In essence, this could no longer even be classified as a rumor. She called because she just wanted to confirm this factual information as it may end up affecting her life. I know it seems odd that she’d need to call and clarify, but I do understand where she’s coming from and if I did have any accurate information, I would have told her. Please understand that I’m just being cryptic as to not continue spreading this idiocy or hurt anyone involved in any way. The conversation consisted of me dispelling the rumor because it involved me being somewhere and seeing something with my own eyes (and of course, let’s not forget, telling people about it). I told her that that was the only thing I could be sure about. As far as the rest of the information, rumors are rumors.

Momma Ru addresses rumors in a few episodes of Drag Race (and its sister shows) as well as interviews noting “What other people think about me is none of my business”.

When I first heard it, I immediately dismissed the sentiment as overly detached from self and identity. Of course it’s my business – it’s about me. It’s my life. A few more episodes of watching her reigning glory and I began to understand just how wise the mother of drag really is.

People talk.

It could be out of boredom, to just be plain malicious, because they lack tact and don’t think of how it can affect other people, because they think the information is safe with the person they’re telling, because they think they’re helping somehow.. The reasons are endless and while not always with ill intent, the point is always the same. No one ever really knows the truth unless it’s them and even then there are two sides to every story. Hearing it secondhand is a good indication that the information is likely fluffed up some or possibly not true at all.

Perception is everything. I don’t even have a really solid idea as to who and how I am at the end of the day without other people’s ideas of me playing a part and mirroring some of that back to me. All I can do is be the best person I can be; help others whenever I’m able, be mindful of others, be mindful of the environment and keep on truckin’ on the road of consciousness, self-realization and self-improvement. What other people think of me is based on their experiences and the consequential ideas and emotions they’ve build up in their lives over certain aspects of my personality, actions, history, status, etc. that they’ve encountered in their past. While my perception of myself can’t ever be completely accurate in a sense, their version of me is so much further from truth than mine and so at the end of it, it really isn’t any of my business.

I can never change what another person thinks of me unless I make it my business to prove them otherwise, but then again, why would I? Rumors are constant and they’re fleeting – not unlike the countless celebrity rag mags out there. Today’s big deal is tomorrow’s yawn-fest. There’s no reason to give rumors any more weight and power than they’ve already gained and will soon after lose. To be clear, in certain situations one may have to clear up any false information involving their life depending on the action/rumor and relationship with the person.

There’s really only one thing to be gained from rumors. The person starting or spreading it doesn’t respect you enough to speak to you directly and end the chain with them. You’ve just learned something new about your relationship with that person. Keep in mind that I’m not saying to cut them out of  your life, because, again, some rumors are spread with good intentions to help (still not OK to do, they should come to you directly if they’re concerned), but it will definitely give your relationship with that person a new meaning.

While I started this post still somewhat upset, I’m comforted by the fact that I know my truth and can navigate through my life with a decent idea as to who I am. I’ve let the anger go as it does not serve me and does not change the situation. What other people think about me is water off a duck’s back.

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