no pressure…

random shenanigans
This all started a few minutes ago at the suggestion of a friend who thought it would be helpful for me to do something with the plethora of tips, hacks and DIYs swimming around in my capricious brain. He’s either being sweet or can’t listen to any more incredibly random tips. He was telling me that his mother and I are a lot alike in that we’re always seeking out a better and cheaper way to get something done and how she worships some guy named Clark Howard. Turns out this guy (and I’m sure plenty of others) is out there doing the same and making bank. I’d just like to organize all of this so that when my boobs are resting in the comforts of my orthopedic shoes, I can call upon some of these tips to wedge them back out.

Let’s begin with a quick introduction as to what led me to all of these things. Give me your hand, this will be a very scattered and bumpy adventure. On second thought, keep your hands where I can see ‘em, champ.

I’ve recently become a vegetarian (eventually aiming for the big V) and while I’d love to sound like a real tree-hugger, it’s for the more political side of my hippie coin. Don’t misunderstand, I love animals very much and part of the change did have to do with it to a degree. I just cannot handle or accept what the government has allowed to pass for food over the last 20+ years in the name of profit. I just started getting into it and had to erase everything I typed. It’ll have to wait for another day and another very long, very ranty blog.

I’ve always been a crafty little bugger. I remember going to friends’ houses at 10 or so and asking if we can make something out of the paper plates in the kitchen. Back then it made me a weird kid, in today’s looks-like-you-made-it-but-got-it-from-Urban world, this makes me cool. Back when I was a kid the holes in our jeans happened, they weren’t bought that way. Stop being fickle, people. Creation and art are the world’s only true currency. We all have the ability to partake of its magic.

I’m also very money conscious. I grew up and watched one too many relationships I thought to be perfect go sour. With that, there was a lot of financial confusion and someone always ended up being in a worse situation than when they’d started. I promised myself I’d always have a cushion and a sense of my own security. I’ve been able to save a good amount of money over the years (and I live in New York – I‘m still blown away), get friends out of debt and find better ways to balance my budget. I’m a big believer in teaching people financial independence and freedom because blame Wall Street all you want, people, you had your hand in it as well. Takes two to tango.

I come from a long line of women who were never taught how to cook – and some who were but refused to share recipes. Who does that? My inner fat ass was not prepared to let that be the reason it wasn’t fed and fed well. With no guidance or training I decided to challenge myself and for the last few years I’ve rarely repeated a dish. I’m a huge fan of going to the store, picking up a random vegetable I’ve never seen before and taking it home to figure it out. In today’s world, there is no longer an excuse. There are YouTube videos on how to boil an egg.

I believe I was born in the wrong era. I love everything 60s – the music, the vibes, the free love and more open acceptance, the progressive awareness of the environment, the unity of people and mass consciousness. It all speaks to me in a very real way. I once met a woman in a bar bathroom who told me she needed to speak to me because she picked up on my hippie aura. She then started telling me about how I should join her group of hippies and I was totally taken until she explained that they also believe in giving out blowjobs. Yeah.

Lastly, a bit about my insides. They’re goopy and keep me alive. Also, and I’ve never been able to figure out why, people are very comfortable talking to me. A lot of people just end up spilling their guts to me and asking for advice. I’ve been told I’m the go-to advice person by a few of my friends and I think it’s because I’m able to break things down logically and I don’t judge. Plus my advice ends up being helpful when put into action, so there’s gotta be something to it.

A few warnings before I begin my actual, relevant posts. I used to write well. I’ve had poetry published and I’ve even got a useless degree to prove it. No part of me is going to sit here editing and ensuring everything is anally correct. Sorry ‘bout it! Also, I’m far too obsessed with RuPaul and her glorious Drag Race so there will be a lot of quoting. Brush up so I don’t lose you:

http://logosrupaulsdragrace.wikia.com/wiki/RuPaul’s_Drag_Race_Dictionary.

I also adore Kevin Smith to an unhealthy degree. There will be quotes. Lastly, I curse. A tit-load. I figure I’ve got a decent handle on this English language and so I can take whatever liberties I choose. Oooh, also there will be far too many sexual inyourendos. I’m 13.

Two pages into this first blog and I notice I sound way full of myself. This isn’t going to be a journal where I blah, blah, blah for ages about my day and post pictures of my lunch, my outfit, selfies or anything of that nature. This blog is to help you in different parts of your life. I’m very open to discussions and criticism (keep it respectful! Don’t be hateful to yourselves, to me or to anyone else posting) and so moving forward, let’s make it about you. I’ve got some ideas and I’m sure you’ve got some, too, along with questions galore. I’m looking to help in any way that I can – it’s in my nature to do it, so take it!

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